I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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