you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
