You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
