He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
