Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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