theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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