Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
