Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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