What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
