i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
