do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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