I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
