So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
