anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
