When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
