We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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