just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
