I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
