her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
