I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
