he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
