I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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