The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
