I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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