just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
