They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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