best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
