It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
