Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and she was petting her beer can
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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