The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
