i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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