I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
