she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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