took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Randomize
