Banned from zoo.
Again?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
