He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I supernannyed him into submission
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
