oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
