And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
