do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
