You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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