i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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