My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
