Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize