the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
