ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
