Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
