So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
where are my eyebrows?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
