Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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