You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize