dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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