I wish my penis had an off switch
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize