my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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