omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
