You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
