so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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