Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
