end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
