honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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