Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm too high and old for this...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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