shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
