I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
