im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
