He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
