Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
