i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
