You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
